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Oct. 14th, 2009

After a lovely $1000 test my Dr cannot tell me why we lost another baby. Its so frustrating. Such a helpless feeling. He said after my first cycle we can try again if I want.. YES I want.. But why? Without answers why should I try? I am happy to find out that my blood doesn't have antibodies that attack the baby, however that was at least an answer and there was even a fairly simple solution to it.. But thats not MY answer. I am so crushed and I can't even begin to express how to get over this.. I am holding out a brave front for my kids & my husband but I am so bitter inside. I hate being a bitter person. And I simply refuse to complain about it out load..


Baby C #4 passed away at 13 weeks & 4 days. Had my D&C on friday..  Tests to follow to find out why I keep losing them. :( Pray for my boys, they aren't taking the loss well..

Gavin is 2 now!

Dear Sweet little Gavin.
I cannot BELIEVE that you are two years.  Was it just yesterday that I found out that your stubborn head decided to finally go heads down, and I was going to get to see you VERY shortly?  It seems like just yesterday.  These last two years have been a rollar coaster with you.  No doubt about it. You are a lot of things little man, but mostly you are mine. And I love you. so much!

You were my second little baby. You were by far the moodiest of the two kids. But I love you for that.
dad1  boy2  4

As a baby you were very cuddly, but loved your space. hated your bath.
concernedbumbo ohgod
Did I mention you were moody?

You were very patient with your mommy and let her get away with things she should've never done.. Like fixing your hair all crazy. Or making you sit next to your psycho brother.
pensive hawk cuties

You were very technologically advanced   And my chubbiest baby by far.
Picture-144 sumo
Very sweet and snuggly. I think I've mentioned that already too.  You have a great smile.  WHEN you chose to show it!
babymom mas

You are my scariest too.. A trip to the hospital was no fun for anyone!
But you were a trooper.
happy feets

You have the prettiest blue eyes, the most inquisitive gaze.. And the sweetest roundest face.
faceup mrind tubg2

You never let a little thing like not being able to walk stop you from being adventurous!

You are my best eater.. Thank goodness.

And you have the best "serious" poses ever.

And the best "not so serious"

You like getting into tough spots.

Did I mention that you're moody?

I've never had a problem w/ cutting hair, until I had you. Its so soft and wavy. I love to play with it and hate to cut it!
I do believe you're my most stylish child. haha

100_5948a ga3 gavin gavin2

I love you so much kid! I look forward to the next year w/ you & beyond!

I joined  ChaCha.com as a SMS guide, and even though its not much money, but I'm having a BLAST!  

ChaCha is an SMS service. You text a question to 242242 and in a few minutes you'll have an answer.   So the SMS Guide ANSWERS the question.. Its like a Instant message job, I hit "available" and I get questions(10 cents a pop) And I look them up and answer them. SUPER easy and fun!

If you waste a lot of time on the computer you should join up, and at least get paid to be on it! Add me as your reference(ejchanley@hotmail.com) when you join and I get 20 cents per question, then you get people to join under you and you get 20 instead of 10. lol

I lost my baby. :( We're sad, but coping. We're going to wait awhile before trying again.. If ever.


On the way home today we passed an antique/consignment shop.. And I saw these sitting out in front and despite my drug induced haze, DH listened to me when I said "Stop! I want those!" lol

there are 2 desks, both with chairs $16 bucks a piece, they were dirty, but in perfect shape! The boys think they are SO big.

You can see Peyton lifting up the top to show off his storage space for his books. ;) We're starting "pre-school" next month so I've been looking for a cute little desk and chairs for him. And to find a matching one for Gavin was the icing on the cake!

I pushed them back to back like that(or front to front I guess haha) And they sat there and drew on the mondo construction paper Jason bought.. Peyton went back home with my mom but Gavin's here climbing in his.. lol

I'm so in love with these desks.. Definitely a day brightener to see their happy faces when they first saw the "deckses" ;)
I know i only have 14 friends as it is, but I'm cutting again, I hate to keep you around when I'm not. Nothing personal.

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